As previously mentioned in my introduction I am have just gone through an extremely painful breakup, now as much as I am SO SO thankful I am that I am no longer crying myself to sleep to the point where I genuinely needed babysitting ( I even had to have friends over to stay ! ) I can't help but think, how has it ONLY been a month, literally only a month and somehow I'm starting to feel pretty much okay ?
Am I really that strong or have I just learnt to bury my feelings ? I loved him more than I have ever loved anyone in my life. As adamant as I was at the time that he was the one, is this a sign that he wasn't ? At the beginning the pain of missing him was unbearable, though now when I am getting a tad upset about it now, I know it's only the affection and attention I am missing rather than him himself !
Certain friends of mine have been a great help, I have been fortunate to have someone to talk too constantly if I need too, or to take me out and take my mind off it, I've even, ( as harsh as it may seem to others ) , have been fortunate enough to have friends to tell me to snap out of it or I'm going to make myself ill. Certain friends have been great, and I say this a lot but I genuinely don't know what I would of done without them, I would still be crying several times a day that's for sure ! I love you !!! :)
So I've reluctantly thrown myself back into single life, laughing with my single friends about how awful men can be, spending my nights eating junk food and watching trash TV, trying to keep myself distracted by going out with friends and going swimming. I've even put myself on those god awful dating sites, not that I'm looking for anything at all, but it never hurts to get a bunch of compliments from guys, and if anything half the messages can be pretty entertaining, how half of them can consider themselves human I don't even know !!!
Don't get me wrong there is a lot I miss about him, but apart from his smile, god I loved his smile so so much, it literally made me so happy to see his smile ( okay now it hurts a little ) Everything I miss about him isn't so much about him ! I miss his dogs ... I miss his mum ... I miss us going on days out and to restaurants, there's not that much that I actually miss about him himself.
I was stupid ? If you want to call it that ? Stupid enough to try the whole the best way to get over someone is to get under someone method. Did it help ? ( As unhealthy as it was ) I do think that it has helped me. Even if it's just a little, I couldn't face the thought of being with anyone else, I couldn't even imagine sitting across the table from anyone new never mind anything else. To be fair the New part is still a little nerve wracking, ( I was stupid enough to go backwards and have a one night fling with an old flame ... okay okay .. two old flames .. oh god what was I doing !! ) But now the new part scares me for a different reason, I was terrified to be with someone new because I only wanted him, no one else but him. But now I'm only nervous that the someone new would bring up what happened with my ex and when was I last single and why it ended and I'd burst out crying .... not a look I would be trying to achieve haha !! But I'm sure as time goes by that that would fade and wouldn't happen regardless, Have to keep reminding myself that it's only been a month !!
Perhaps I should stop asking questions and just be extremely thankful that I'm starting to get back to my old self again :) .... I was so low I started annoying and scaring myself haha ! ..... It feels good to finally start getting back to normal again :)
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