I was meant to post whilst I got over my ex and I did, so I stopped as I no longer felt the need... But in the words of the sugababes, I move one ex to the next.
I have a feeling it's going to be time to start posting again, it's the return of the great love, my first everything from first hand holding right up too losing my virginity.
They say you never forget your first love, and that sure is the case for me and *Adam. Adam has been in and out of my life for 10 years, we at least end up making our way back into each other's lifes in some way shape or form at least every 2 years if not more.
The best lover I have ever had, in bed that is, even after 10 years still no one compares, do you know how frustrating that is ? Also another thing that's frustrating is the guy is a complete and utter psycho. One of the reasons that we haven't officially been together, only ever had one of those classic situationships I am becoming notoriously known for.
I love him, with all my heart, always have, and I believe for some messed up reason we're meant to be together, however and this is the catch, I know I can do a lot better, he is so far from the person I would want to be with, a million miles far. Yet my heart always wants him, it's so frustrating.
He is very jealous, very aggressive, makes up the sickest lies, he won't buy me anything ever, not even a poxy birthday card, constantly comes up with excuses to why he can't make the effort. He wants to spend his life at the pub and his greatest love is alcohol and smoking.
All this I know, I am 10 years older and a lot wiser, run a mile, don't even look back is what I know I should do, I can't even think of a single positive to why we should be together other than the sex and the fairytale of being able to say I ended up with my first love. Yet reasons unknown to me I want him, I love him and crazier yet I would marry him if things worked out.
I uncontrollably smile the second I see him, I am always laughing when I am with him and I am so happy where we're together in person, we just click, the chemistry is just electric, we just work.
Then the very same day we're apart it's trouble in paradise again, so perfect when we're together yet so horribly negative and messed up when we're apart.
Come on ! It's 2016, you know better and you don't need this .... Yet you know you are going to give it a shot with him for the 35th time, my friends won't even look at me in the face when I tell them I am seeing him again, and to be honest quite rightly so, however I feel like I will make my own mistakes and even though I almost know for certain it won't work, though we're both older now, and maybe there's the tiniest chance we will work out and he will be different, I can see for sure he's matured and changed, though the negatives are all still very much there, maybe he's just got better at playing the game.
If that's the case at least I have given it a shot now we're 'adults'. Hopefully then if / when it fails I will never run back to him as I will never need to wonder what if.
No comments:
Post a Comment